The Real Headlines

American Government Kills Guest of Pakistani Government

Obama Doctrine Hailed as “The New Frontier Justice”

Man Shot by LAPD for Using Wife as Human Shield; Woman Claims They Were Dancing

White House Hails "Valuable Intelligence" Found in Bin Laden’s Home; Orders Navy SEALS to Raid Graceland in Search of Lady Gaga’s Next Song

Mission Accomplished: National Security Spokesman Lies When Everyone is Paying Attention Then Takes It Back When We Aren’t; 76% of Americans Believe Bin Laden Shot While Throwing a Thermonuclear Hand Grenade

NRA Leader to Visit Abbottabad

Congress Honors Testosterone as "National Hormone"

Metropolitan Diary: Pam Geller Spotted in Tribeca Not Saying Anything; Supporters Fear “Sharia Gag Order”

Report: Pakistani Police Never Answer Someone-is-Blowing-Up-a-Helicopter-in-my-Neighborhood Calls

Report: Pakistani President Pleads With Electorate to Stop Laughing in Disbelief; Press Labels Bin Laden Compound “Costellobad.”

CIA Headquarters to Annex the Rest of Virginia

Mossad to Sue U.S. Navy for Copyright Infringement

OMB Forecasts Euphemism Shortage in American Foreign Policy

Bush Administration Takes Credit for Winning Second World War

UK Tabloids Decry Pakistan Operation as Plot to Diminish Royal Wedding

CNN: LeBron James Said to be Relieved Osama bin Laden Dead

Germomino Watch: Hillary Clinton Rebuked By American Medical Asssociation For Covering Her “Allergic Cough” With Hand Instead of Arm

GOP Mulls Tax Credit for Corporate Helicopters

Sarah Palin Tweets She Can See “Packistand” From Her House

Dick Cheney Claims Saddam Hussein Behind Obama’s Poll Numbers

FOX News: Democrats Plan to Fund 2012 Campaign Through Sale of Bin Laden Death Photos on Muslim e-Bay

John Yoo Criticizes Bin Laden Execution as “Too Painless”

Aftermath: TSA Launches Involuntary Vivisection Program at Nation’s Airports

Al Qaida Denounces Murder of Its Leader, Vows "War on Terror"

NY Times Reporter John Burns Promises to Get a Haircut and Shut Up Already

Guantánamo Renamed Nuremberg