Avoid to the Wise

“I hear that writers…” the bartender paused… “develop avoidance strategies. So that you don’t actually have to sit down and write.”

I lifted my glass and made an expansive gesture that took in the dark room.

She smiled. “But that’s so clichéd.”

True, it is sort of an old stand-by, the sozzled scribe with his pint of plain. And I had noticed that, recently, I have developed some entirely new strategies. Procrastination is the mother of invention. And who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

Let me share ten of my latest batch, fresh from the Oven of Avoidance:

1) Spending a ridiculous amount of time at the farmers’ market looking for the Platonic Ideal of a tomato.

2) Watching flashmob dance videos from start to finish, then re-watching them.

3) Googling old obsessions like Tonya Harding to see what they’re up to these days.

4) Hand-drying the dishes, instead of just leaving them to dry in the rack.

5) Reading junk mail. Actually reading it.

6) Looking out the window and theorizing about new, green ways of creating electricity. For example, if we could somehow hook up a lightweight portable generator to the swishing ponytail of that young woman jogger out there… you get the picture.

7) Taking free-trial online Arabic lessons.

8) Renting and watching movies set in the Middle Ages.

9) Riding, tending, oiling, cleaning a bicycle.

10) Blogging about avoidance strategies.