Won't you come home, George Bailey?

The world has changed.

Robbers used to take the money and run. Now they take the money and run the bank.

Churches used to be picturesque outposts of institutional anti-Semitism. Now they’re franchises of the Bangkok red light district.

Schools were joyful factories of drudgery, filled with obstreperous kids and staffed by tough-love teachers. Now they’re a drag on the economy, spreading nonsense about evolution and suckling away at the taxpayer teat.

The business section used to be the most boring part of a newspaper.

Corporations paid taxes.

Spam was something you ate.

White supremacists knew their place.

The United States got into a war only once every decade.

Ke$ha had not yet been born.

Double chocolate-chip mud-pie fudge-infused pancakes did not come with melted cheese and bacon.

Individual mortality inspired literature and philosophy, not lawsuits and twenty-mile jogs in a blizzard.

Self-storage facilities were used exclusively by eccentric collectors who had amassed too much stuff.

Automobiles were a means of transport, not a residence.

Tutankhamen and Omar Sharif represented Egypt.

The Gilded Age was found only in history textbooks.

A special interest meant a hobby, not a lobby.

Soldiers took pictures of themselves raising a flag, not some dead guy’s head.

All other news of the world and the country did not get blacked out when a sports star like LeBron James changed teams or a minor entertainer like Charlie Sheen shot his mouth off.

Israel was sort of cool.

The purpose of a man was to love a woman, not legislate about her womb.

Tyrants, despots and dictators were our bff.

Ignorance was an embarrassment, not a qualification for public office.

Airports were not managed by Benito Orwell.

Vampires were not considered suitable prom dates.

People prayed in private.

Privacy existed.